Translations
Kobanashi and other humor
By William Wetherall
These are my translations of "kobanashi" or "little stories" of the comical kind, and other forms of humor, from senryū to one-line jokes.
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Taiwan monkeys Small finger Blood clams Art museum Beauty shop |
Drug mecca American continent Bride hunting What is marriage? Divorce crisis |
Shortest kobanashi Chinese match factory |
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Kobanashi
Kobanashi (小噺、小話) are short humorous stories, some just a line or two, others longer, which end in a punch line (ochi 落ち, sage 下げ) -- a word or phrase "dropped" in a manner that brings the story to a comical conclusion, often in the form of a pun.
Such stories were told by "hanashika" (噺家、咄家、話家) or "danwaka" (談話家) -- "storytellers" or "raconteurs" -- before live audiences, in streets or theaters. Such story narrators were the forerunners of today's "rakugoka" (落語家), who generally perform while sitting on a zabuton on a stage, typically brandishing only a closed folding fan, which may be opened and used as a fan, or may be used to represent something in the story.
Most of the stories told here are of fairly recent vintage, and some appear to be adaptations of jokes that originated in other languages. With rare exceptions as noted, all are unattributed and undated materials shared with me by friends. The translations and comments are mine.
Taiwan monkeys
Translated by William Wetherall
台湾ザル
「台湾ザル５匹下さい」
「ありがとうございます。今すぐ用意できませんので、お待ち願います」
何日かして . . .
「用意出来ました」
「あれ、台湾ザル５匹といったのに一匹は日本ザルだぞ」
「お客様、それは通訳です」
Taiwan monkeys
"Give me 5 Taiwan monkeys."
"Thank you. I can't get them immediately, so please give me a little time."
A few days later . . .
"I got them."
"What? I said 5 Taiwan monkeys, but 1 is a Japanese monkey!"
"My dear customer, that's the translator."
Small finger
Translated by William Wetherall
小指
ヤクザが食堂にやってきました。テーブルに着くなり一番下のチンピラがすっと立ち上がり指を5本出し、
「おい、姉ちゃん、ビール5本」
「ハイ、お待ちどう様」
「おい、ちょっと待てよ、なんで大びん４本に小瓶なんだよ」
「あれ？一本小瓶じゃないんですか」
Small finger
Some yakuza come to an eatery. As soon as get to a table, the youngest punk quickly stands and holds up 5 fingers.
"Hey, waitress, 5 beers."
"Here you are. Sorry to keep you waiting."
"Hey, wait. Why 4 large bottles and 1 small bottle?"
"Huh? Didn't you order 1 small bottle?"
This story hinges on the stereotype of a yakuza with a missing finger tip, hence a short finger that the waitress took to mean a small bottle. Structurally, though, it is like the "Taiwan monkeys" story.
Blood clams
Translated by William Wetherall
赤貝 (江戸小噺)
ある所に、大変利口な犬がおりまして、娘さんの言う事を大変良く聞くんですな。何か買い物がある時は、品物を見せて、首輪にぶら下げた袋にお金を入れますと、ちゃんとその品物を買ってまいります。すると、ここの親父は赤貝が好きで、これをサカナにチビリチビリやるのが、何よりの楽しみと言う。親父が「おう、赤貝がほしいな」ってぇと、娘が台所へ行き、犬に向かって何やらゴジャゴジャやっていますと、犬は、ザルをくわえて、小銭を持って出かけて行き、ちゃんと赤貝を買って参ります。母親が、どうやって教えるのかと、不思議に思って、こっそりのぞいて見ますと、娘は、自分の着物の前をパラッとまくって、自分のアソコを指差している。なるほどってんで感心した母親が、私もやってみよう、なんてんで台所に犬を連れてまいりますと、前を広げて見せます。犬はザルと小銭を持って出て行って、買って来たのが、「たわし」。
Blood clams (Edo story)
The family of a certain man in Edo had a very clever dog, which understood everything his daughter said. She could show the dog something, drop some coins in a pouch around the its neck, then send it off to the market, and it would come back with exactly what she wanted. Her father liked succulent blood clams, and one day he said he wanted some for dinner. So his daughter went into the kitchen, muttered something to the dog, then sent the dog off to the market with a bamboo basket in its mouth. And sure enough, it came back with some fresh blood clams. The girl's mother, wondering how her daughter would get the dog to recognize blood clams, had peeked at her in the kitchen and seen her lift the front of her kimono and point to herself. So the next time her husband wanted blood clams, she imitated her daughter, but the dog came back with a bristly scrubbing brush.
Kobanashi draw from all aspects of life, including sexual anatomy. "Akagai" (red shellfish = blood clams) alludes to a girl's pubes, "tawashi" (brush) to a woman's pubic hair.
Art museum
Translated by William Wetherall
美術館
「まあ、素晴らしい絵。これはピカソね」
「奥様、それは鏡です」
Art museum
"Ah, such a wonderful painting. It's a Picasso, right?"
"Madam, that's a mirror."
A mirror figured in one of the jokes told by Daliso Chaponda in the 1st semi-final of Britain's Got Talent in 2017. A woman complains that a mirror makes her look fat, and Chaponda tells her his eyes have the same problem. Mirrors that warp a figure in various ways, making someone look fat or skinny, or creating the illusion of a narrow waist and flairing hips, or a head too large or too small, were featured at amusement parks like Playland-At-The-Beach just north of the west end of Golden Gate Park in San Francisco. The playland was between the park and the Sutro Baths and museum, which I also frequented when growing up in the Sunset District south of the park in my early teens during the early 1950s.
Beauty shop
Translated by William Wetherall
美容院
「おめかししてどちらかへ行かれたんですか？」
「美容院へ行ってきたんですよ」
「今日休みだったんですか？」
Beauty shop
"You're all dolled up. Where did you go?"
"To the beauty shop!"
"Was it closed today?"
This sort of joke could travel in any language.
Drug mecca
Translated by William Wetherall
覚せい剤入手場所
よく群馬県へ行って入手するそうです。常習（上州）と云って . . .
The place to get stimulant drugs
"It seems people are going to Gunma prefecture to get drugs. Saying its Jōshū . . .
"Jōshū" was the common name for the provence of Kōsuke (上野) domain. An earlier name for Kōsuke was Kamitsukeno (上毛野 Kamitsukenu), which is better known today by its Sino-Japanese name Jōmō (上毛). In 1871, the domains in the provence became 9 prefectures, and later that year 8 of these prefectures were consolidated into Gunma prefecture, which gained more territory 1876. As a regional name, "Jōshū" is written 上州, but the name is homophonous with 常習, which means habitual user. This is similar to the play some people have made on the name of my home town, Grass Valley, in California, as they associate "grass" with "marijuana" and imagine a cannibus paradise.
American continent
Translated by William Wetherall
アメリカ大陸
地理の授業で先生が 「花子、アメリカ大陸はどこにありますか？」
「先生、ここです」と地図で指を指した。
「正解です。じゃあ、太郎、アメリカ大陸を発見したのは誰ですか？」
「ハイ、花子です」
American continent
In geography class, the teacher says, "Hanako, where is the American continent?"
"Teacher, it's here," she said, pointing to it on a map.
"That's correct. Okay, Tarō, who discovered the American continent?"
"Ah, Hanako."
This joke, too, could travel anywhere.
Bride hunting
Translated by William Wetherall
嫁さがし
息子が結婚したい女性を連れてきた。お母さんは大反対。しょうがないので止めて、今度はお母さんとそっくりな女性を連れてきた。体型も性格も . . . お母さんは大喜び。お父さんが大反対。
Bride hunting
A son brought home a woman he wanted to marry. His mother was opposed so he gave up. The next time, he brought home a woman who was just like his mother . . . her figure, her personality. This time his mother was delighted, but his father was opposed."
Where in the world could you tell this joke, that people would not laugh?
What is marriage?
Translated by William Wetherall
結婚とは・・・
人生の墓場に例える方がいますが、世界一周豪華クルーズに似ているとも言われます。長い後悔の始まり . . .
What is marriage?
Some people liken marriage to the grave (tomb) of life, but it is also said to resemble an around-the-world luxury cruise. The beginning of a long regret . . .
This joke hinges on a pun that travels only in Japanese, and hence it is language-bound. The punch line "long regret" reflects "kōkai" (後悔), which is homophonous with a Sino-Japanese term meaning navigation, sailing, or voyage by sea -- i.e., "cruise" (航海). The Sino-Japanese word play is enhanced by the Japanese transliteration of English "cruise" (kuruuzu クルーズ), but the joke could be told without using the Anglo-Japanese word. Moreover, the written form of the joke would better emulate its oral form if "kōkai" were phonetically scripted in katakana (コウカイ), thus letting the reader puzzle out its possible meanings -- rather than graphically interpret them with kanji.
Divorce crisis
Translated by William Wetherall
離婚危機
「ウチの夫婦関係は治りかけの肺炎によく似ているんだよ」
「どこが？」
「もう熱はとっくに下がってはいるが籍が抜けないんだ」
Divorce crisis
"My husband-wife relationship is like recuperating from pneumonia."」
"In what way?"
"The fever has long dropped, but the seki doesn't leave."
This joke, too, is limited to Japan and Japanese. I've italicized "seki" in the punch line because the joke, when told orally, turns on "seki" meaning "cough" (咳) as a homonym with "seki" meaning "register" (籍). When writing the joke, it would be better to write "seki" in katakana (セキ), so the reader would have to figure out the play on the two "seki". The "seki" of "register" alludes to the legal fact that a married couple must share a common household register. When a couple marries, one spouse has to "enter the register" (nyūseki 入籍) of the other spouse. Divorce results in one spouse leaving the common register.
The world's shortest little story
Translated by William Wetherall
世界一短い小噺
天国の小噺 「あのよ〜」
The world's shortest little story
A short story of heaven "Ano yo"
"Ano yo" has the feeling of "Ano ne", which is used to get someones attention, or even to start a story. But it also "that (over there, yonder) world" or "the next world" -- hopefully "heaven" (tengoku 天国). There are numerous similar "shortest short stories" including 本当の話「実は (実話)」Real story "Jitsu wa (Jitsuwa)", and 旅行の話@「この度は (この旅は)」Travel story "Kono tabi (Kono tabi)".
Match factory in China
Translated by William Wetherall
中国のマッチ工場
マッチ工場が全焼した。焼け残ったのはマッチだけだった。
Match factory in China
A match factory burned to the ground. All that was left were matches.
This is an "ethnic" joke in that it hinges on stereotypes about the quality of Chinese products. "China" could be replaced with any country that was associated with inferior or defective products.