Climbing Kiln

By William Wetherall

An ancient mariner's encounters with black holes

Began 2005-06-29, last revised 2005-11-24 (2,370 words)

Climbing Kiln

By William Wetherall

Saki and Miki were distant encounters of the virtual kind. They and I could just as well have been from opposite poles of the cosmos, for all we knew about each other. Both tried their best to sucker me into their black holes. Never mind that Hawking recanted his belief that all things disappear forever when devoured by a black hole: I had no intention of crossing their carnal divides.

My seven-day cyber affair with Saki began to simmer in my Eudora spam box and boiled over into my Hotmail account. My email was filtered so that anything not from someone in my address book was thrown into the spam box. I spotted Saki's first attempt to draw me in while checking the spam for something that might not be junk. I had never seen the address before, and didn't recollect an Ishikawa, but I had known a girl named Saki, and you never can tell.

1st message

Subject: From Ishikawa
From: Saki 
Date: Thu, 23 Jun 2005 19:27:08

My name is Saki.  I'm 28, unmarried,
and my work is related to trade.
You're a man, right?
You are probably wondering why you're getting
mail from someone you don't know.
But I have a favor to ask of you.
Would you be my adult playmate?
I feel something is missing in my life
as all I do everyday is work, work, work.
I feel very hollow when I think about how
I'm getting older without any joy in life.
If you can't help me . . . just ignore this.
If you answer this, I'll be more specific.
I hope you'll reply.  I'll be waiting.


It was obviously a come-on but the composition was simple and there were no embedded images or links. It did not look like something that had been mass-mailed. It had more the feel of a personal letter. This was, I knew, the bait in the trap. But I was in a playful mood that evening so decided to have some fun.

I'm naive in ways but not so dumb as to reply to such a ruse from my service provider mail account. So I pasted Saki's address into the To: box of a message I composed and sent from a Hotmail account I use in the profiles I set up to gain access to websites that require registration. All they get from me is a bogus name and a lot of other disinformation.

1st reply

From: Climbing Kiln 
Date: Thu, 23 Jun 2005 20:14:32
To: saki 
Subject: Ishikawa Saki

I am, as you guessed, a man.
I'm 64 years old, divorced, and have a strong curiosity.
Like you, I'm looking for the right balance of work and play.
Unlike you, though, I'm not sure how to achieve this.
So I'm very much looking forward to your advice.

Climbing Kiln

I got Saki's first message, and replied, on a Thursday evening. I checked my mail later that night and the next. Nothing. Perhaps she wasn't responding to mail from someone not on her list. Or maybe she thought I was putting her on with my age and marital status and the faux coyness.

She'd be right. Who beats around the bush like this? She's probably thinking, "All I want are some lower chakra vibes, and this jerk off's talking about 'balance'?"

So I figured that was it. Then on Monday night I found two messages from Saki in my Hotmail in-box and some surprises in the attachments folder.

2nd message

From:	saki 
Date:	Sat, 25 Jun 2005 15:32:19
To:	Climbing Kiln 
Subject: From Saki, plus alpha

Thanks for your reply.
I've been very busy at work and couldn't respond right away.
I have to snatch time between my duties in order to write you,
so please let me apologize in advance
if what I say here is frank and to the point.
Oh, and I've attached a couple of pictures.
I gather you are seeking an adult relationship
and so naturally you will want to appraise my body.
So yesterday I took a few pictures of myself.
I took them with a timer, and one didn't come out very well.
I am assuming you wish to have a very discrete,
no-strings-attached physical relationship.
What conditions do you have in mind?
My main wish is that you strictly respect my privacy.
I am a company executive and take my work very seriously.
I absolutely wish to avoid the spread of any rumors.
I am sure you will understand why I hesitate
to reveal my address or other particulars now.
If you tell me where to meet you, I will go there.
I can also help a bit on the financial side,
though you might find it a bit distressing
to have sex with a total nymphomaniac like me
who does it without any thought of money.



Flubbed this one.jpg

3rd message

From:	saki 
Date:	Mon, 27 Jun 2005 17:41:52
To:	Climbing Kiln 
Subject: More pix of Saki

Hi.  I hope you liked the pix.
Are you free tomorrow?  Tuesday?
I'll meet you anywhere you like,
but time wise I'd prefer sevenish in the evening.
I want to have sex.
I am always satisfying myself with toys,
but I want the real thing inside me.
I want you to insert yourself in me.
I want us to cling to each other
while grinding and thrusting
again and again and again.
Whether you wish to meet or not,
I will contact you once more tomorrow.
I've attached some images I took last night.
I want you to see me the way I am,
so the images show a more lustful me.
Though we've never met, I trust you,
so one even shows my face.



I want to meet you.jpg
My face.jpg

The pictures were awesome. On closer examination, though, they didn't add up to the same woman. The breast contours, cellulite patterns, and pubic hair whorls didn't match. I would have expected a little more consistency from someone who wrote as clinically well as Saki or, I suspected, her male ghost.

As she had promised to write again, I waited for the next round. It began shortly after six Tuesday night, and by nine I had received a volley of six messages, most spaced about half an hour apart. All came into the spam box of my Hotmail account.

4th message

From:	saki 
Date:	Tue, 28 Jun 2005 18:04:02
To:	Climbing Kiln 
Subject: Something's wrong

I haven't heard anything from you
since I replied to your letter.
I'm worried that you might not like me.
Maybe my computer isn't working right.
I've had some problems receiving mail.
Have you gotten this?

I just sent something to myself,
and it seems to have gone out okay,
but I haven't gotten it back yet,
and I want to get in touch with you.
I want to have sex.
I'm looking forward to a passionate
physical relationship with you.
Since Thursday I've been dreaming about
secretly meeting you, and I hope things
won't be spoiled just because
you can't reach me by mail.
So let me think of something, okay?

Love, Saki

5th message

From:	saki 
Date:	Tue, 28 Jun 2005 18:26:30
To:	Climbing Kiln 
Subject: Try this!

It's me again.
I discovered a way you can contact me.
I've registered both my Docomo phone number
and my Docomo message address on this site.
It's super easy for you to get them.
Just click the above link then type
"Saki" in the "Personal ID" box
and your mail address in the "Password" box.
The mail address should be the one
at which you received my initial message.
Be sure to put "From Climbing Kiln"
in the Subject line if you send mail.

I decided to try this service because it's free.
I've set it up so only you
will be able to see my contact numbers.
This way I can protect both my and your privacy,
and I won't get calls or mail from someone else.
Right now I'm thinking only of you.
I want to have sex with you.
This is the first time for me
to reveal my true nature to a man.
I can't wait to hear from you.
Please hurry and call or send a message to my cell.
I'm waiting for you to tell me what you want.

6th message

From:	saki 
Date:	Tue, 28 Jun 2005 18:59:04
To:	Climbing Kiln 
Subject: Are you getting my mail?

I've been waiting for you to contact me directly.
Here's the link again in case you didn't get it.
I've registered my cell on this service
just so you and I can get in touch.
In case you feel it's too risky
to use your original email address,
I've added your free account address
to the list of acceptable passwords.

I also discovered that if you
register on this site like I did,
we will be able to see each other
in the members directory.
We can send each mother messages
directly through the site, or even chat,
and it's all free and very safe.
This is just a temporary arrangement,
until we meet and have sex.

Anxious to see you,


7th message

From:	saki 
Date:	Tue, 28 Jun 2005 19:26:17
To:	Climbing Kiln 
Subject: I want to have sex!!

Have you registered yet?

I've been looking for you in the members director
but can't find you, and it's driving me crazy.
Are you not getting these messages?
Or do you not value having a relationship with me?

I want to do it with you.

8th message

From:	saki 
Date:	Tue, 28 Jun 2005 20:15:31
To:	Climbing Kiln 
Subject: From Saki!  At least send a message!

Even if we can't meet tonight,
I at least want to hear from you.
Or, better yet, call me, okay?
I want to hear your voice.
Please, please, please
call me at 080-1221-0431.
I trust you will keep this number secret.
If you call me now there's still time
for us to make love tonight.

9th message

From:	saki 
Date:	Tue, 28 Jun 2005 20:55:37
To:	Climbing Kiln 
Subject: This is my final message, okay?

Have you seen my direct cell number yet?
I wanted to meet you tonight, but its too late.
I'm very upset -- not angry, just frustrated,
because I really wanted to have sex with you.
Now I will have to satisfy myself.
I'll be awake until late,
in case you want to call.
I'll be waiting for your call
and imagining you inside me.

Saki Ishikawa


I didn't log on the website, or register or call. The voyeuristic coward that I am, the following morning I launched another missive from behind my firewall.

2nd reply

From: Climbing Kiln 
Date: Wed, 29 Jun 2005 06:28:16
To: saki 
Subject: Emergency room

Dear Saki:

Thank you for your lovely invitation.
I'm terribly sorry for being so late
in getting back to you.
The past couple of days were so hectic
I was unable to check my mail.
My son came down with a very high fever
and I had to take him to the hospital.
He's home now, and thanks to you he's fine.

This morning I woke up dreaming of you,
and then I opened your mail.

What absolutely stunning pictures.
You look just like I imagined.
I must say, Saki, you are both
very beautiful and attractive.
I got so excited I satisfied myself,
as you very quaintly put it.
Sorry, but I just couldn't wait.
I was, however, thinking of you.

Would it be too much to ask you
to send me a few more pictures?
I would really like to see all of you,
before we meet and do it, as you say
(I love the way you express yourself).

Climbing Kiln

The next night I got another message, not from Saki, but from a somewhat younger woman named Miki.

10th message

From:	miki 
Date:	Thu, 30 Jun 2005 19:10:41
To:	Climbing Kiln 
Subject: I am seeking a no-strings, body-only friendship

Nice to meet you.  I'm Miki.
I'm 25 and have been married 4 years.
I was working as a receptionist when
I caught the eye of a company president
26 years older than me and married him.
He's a wonderful husband, but age being age,
he simply doesn't satisfy me sexually.
I've always been a lot hornier
than other girls I've known.
I want to do it at least once a day,
but my husband simply can't keep pace.
So I decided to find someone on the web.
I discovered that you live fairly close,
which is why I'm sending you this mail.

Because I'm a proper housewife,
you must promise to keep our relationship
strictly private and confidential.
What sort of conditions might you have?
I no longer work, but my husband gives me
a very ample monthly allowance,
so I have no concerns about money.
In fact I could even contribute to
the costs of us seeing each other.
I hope that you feel the same way,
and that your response will be favorable.

I didn't reply to Miki and never heard from her or Saki again. I dropped our exchanges into a folder I called Mail UFOs and forgot about them. When disk cleaning that fall, I trashed the folder, but not before cutting and pasting the messages into this story.

I have long since emptied the trash, the equivalent of tossing deleted data into a black hole on a memory chip. Like Hawking, I used to think that files thus discarded were gone forever. I now know that clever computer ghouls can resurrect them. But I'm content to leave Saki, Miki, and even Climbing Kiln on the other side of the vortex, their bits condemend to crawl among the graves of bytes in search of encounters of the real kind.